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By  Paul Beckman

I’m Momma just before she’s ready to go out. Her date will be here any minute, honk his horn and she’ll be off—blowing us kisses and telling us to be good and not to stay up too late. Watch the baby, she’ll say and then we won’t see her for at least a day.

I’m Momma and just woke up and it’s noon. I’ll take a little of my medicine from the big bottle and add some tomato juice and I’ll feel better. Here—take the baby, I can’t stand his fidgeting, Go! Take him away before he starts crying.

I was dancing last night with my date and then he got tired and sat down to drink and I kept dancing and I didn’t have to sit down to drink—I can drink standing up and dancing and he didn’t like that and called me names and drove off without me.

Keep baby quiet. The nice man who gave me a ride home is still sleeping. He saw me walk by the door and must have thought I was Momma cause he said, C’mere sugar. I kept walking and then I snuck a look back in the room and he was sleeping. He can snore up a storm.

I want you to go put Baby down next to Momma on the couch. She’s taking her medicine and smoking and she can watch for a while and you and me will go out shopping. I have her purse and car keys. Grab me a couple of her cigarettes so I’ll look older as we drive. No she won’t get mad.

We’ll tell her that she sent us shopping and told us to take her purse and her car keys. Do we say anything about the money we took from that man’s pants? I didn’t think so. We can buy us some nice makeup and bring home another baby—a girl this time. Momma’s not gonna be happy.

We’ll bring her one of those big bottles of her medicine and she’ll be fine. Let’s drive by the school and honk the car horn and then go buy a reefer and share it. Think Momma’s going out tonight?

Depends. When we get home and she has us call him Uncle then he’ll be around for a while and Momma will only go out on the weekend. Yeah, I’m tired of the Uncles, too, cause they think I’m Momma’s sister.

Do you think we have any real Uncles?